I have always been a bit of a lone warrior. Don’t get me wrong; I am incredibly sociable at times too. I love a good party, an ace gig, festival, gathering and hanging out with friends. However, I am independent and self-sufficient. I have lived by myself from a young age and I have travelled to other countries alone when potential companions have been unable to break away from work, family or other justifiable responsibilities. I am no stranger to alone. And I believe it is good for us.
I did, however, get bored with it. After a relationship break-up and then another, I felt frustrated and irritated at the thought of continuing with solo adventures. I had thought that I finally had a life partner in crime to share the ride and create adventures. I was wrong. And it shocked me. It also rocked me. To the point where, I momentarily felt stuck. Like I couldn’t pick up where I left off. I was ready for something different and annoyed it wasn’t available. There was almost a stubborn vibe in there too… I don’t want to do things alone anymore so I won’t do anything.
To get over this, I did what I always do. I went away, this time to Bali for a month, by myself. I did some training out there, met some wonderful people and actually ended up with a few travel buddies to share amazing moments with along the way. I loved it. I always do but the low vibes hadn’t gone completely. I had reminded myself that I am highly capable of being alone and also to trust that when I am supposed to be in company, the universe provides. It was still inside me though. The idea of wanting to not have to ‘do’ things alone.
And I have friends who say the same. We have reached the same conclusion but our diaries rarely match up for us to seek company in each other. We would also like to travel and experience things within a relationship! So, as always, it comes down to this one thing… If you want to do something and there’s no-one to do it with you, you better just do it. Hurrah! I had just got used to the idea of wandering off into the unknown alone. My house was up for sale and I was ready to meet new people and adventures head on. Then… Global lockdown. Now what?
Well, I have found new joy in being alone; the wonder of going for walks in the sunshine, sitting outside on the grass and watching the clouds go by and picking flowers from local overgrown parks where no-one is working to cut them back. I remember when I would enjoy the simplicity of these things. Cooking a fabulous meal, not because someone is coming round but because I fancy eating something spectacular that night. Having a bath for hours, topping it up and reading a book with a glass of wine. Why had I not done this more?
We often make this effort when we are catering for others and it is wonderful to share such things but why don’t we do this more when we are alone. Shouldn’t we be considered our own best friend that deserves treating to the good stuff too. Yes! We are and we should and now I do. More regularly than ever before and I shall continue to do so, during our current quarantine and beyond. Because I have rediscovered my love for doing stuff alone and I have remembered my self- worth too, doing special things for myself, as I would for others. I am worth that! And I love living in my home more than ever before. I have everything I need. What a blessing, so grateful. I’m a very happy lone warrior now… Again!
Hope you’re discovering the gifts of this time too… Namaste x